Dealing with the end of life

My first reaction to reading this work was an overwhelming feeling of sadness. As I flipped from page to page, the heaviness of death weighed heavily on me. I felt, and still feel, envious of my own youth and feel that I should be demanding more from my able-bodied, able-minded self. The illustrations in the novel depicted a type of unavoidable sadness that comes from losing the abilities and luxuries of youth. Farmer’s story itself, very detailed and personal, bravely communicated the story of two parents dying. The illustrations added a depth of understanding, providing the visual representation of two elderly people literally wasting away. The graphic novel seemed so deeply personal and true, yet I wonder why Joyce Farmer didn’t use her actual name or the real names of her parents, husband, and presumably other characters. The drawings were also perhaps, not so true to form. As we have discussed in class so often after McCloud’s suggestion, the cartoonish natures of the characters allow their stories to apply to any person, giving them a type of Everyman quality. Perhaps this also applies to naming of characters. Assigning names and profiles already taken in the real world might limit the reader from imaging this story in their own life; Fake names could allow the reader to imagine assume the role of Joyce Farmer. After all, this story describes a situation we may all face as children.

My parents are currently at the age where their parents are starting to deteriorate mentally and physically. As a grandchild, I feel somewhat removed and ‘safe’ from dealing with the situation, though I see the mental toll it has taken on my parents. Joyce Farmer’s experience seems very similar with the emotions of helplessness and shame in handing the care of her parents to someone else. Perhaps this book also weighed so heavily on my mind because it makes me consider the future of caring for my own parents. The alternative of their premature death is a far heavier thought, so I suppose long life and old age are mixed blessing at the very end. Like Farmer’s father in the graphic novel, my own parents tell me now that they don’t want to be a burden when they get older. They’d rather I hire someone to care for them than spending my time with them. However, Farmer’s father expresses this and then must accept his daughter’s help once a week, then more frequently until he completely relies on her. She stumbles through all this and seems to manage, but shows that it is not an easy road despite being such a common road.

It is amazing that all of this is expressed in a graphic memoir, where Farmer draws the naked truth of the situation, sometimes portraying her parents in less than dignified positions. Portraying her naked stepmother several times certainly communicated the daily routines necessary to care for the very elderly. Near the end of the story, on page 165, Joyce’s character tells her father that he must start wearing diapers. He replies with an accepting smile, “It took fifty-five years to make the turnaround,” in reference to the time span between father putting diapers on daughter, and then daughter putting diapers on father. The entire story follows this motif of parents returning to an infantile state while children assume the role of caretaker. Joyce Farmer’s illustrations follow a predictable comic style and pacing. The story follows a four-year time span on a fairly regular time scale, except for the couple remembrances of the past, clearly defined by the cloud-like frames. Farmer consistently used phrases like “Time moves on…” to describe the passage of time from her occasional visits in the beginning. Such a simple phrase expresses how her parents’ lives could go unnoticed before she had to take care of them. Once she becomes emotionally and physically invested in their well being, specific phrases such as “One month later…” demarcate the passage of time, showing she must now pay specific attention to time, and hold onto every last minute while her parents are still alive. Her drawings are amazingly detailed and wonderful, and yet, I felt that her portrayal of facial expressions is confusing or simply too comical at times. Though Farmer expresses the complexity of emotion through the events and characters of the story, the facial expressions seem too simplistic, either happy or sad, to detail the feelings one has when they know death is coming. However, the graphic memoir was still completely moving and brave as a memoir, as Joyce Farmer was willing to tell such a personal story.