After reading this graphic memoir, I must first commend Joyce Farmer for attempting to provide a genuine depiction of the last years of her parents’ lives, something that I’m not sure I would be able to do. This may explain why it took her so long to finish the memoir. I think Farmer gave herself a difficult challenge in pushing herself to present her parents under such a harsh light and I think in turn it made it difficult for me to go through her memoir because I found myself wondering about how I would approach similar situations with my parents.
I found myself really enjoying the beginning and end of this memoir, because I expected Farmer to give a gradual introduction into her parents’ daily lives and to slowly illustrate how they slowly wind down. I really liked how Farmer set up the story for the difficulty readers will face later and I thought the pace at the beginning was also really well done. After the first few chapters, I was able to get a feel for what it is like to live in South Los Angeles, the daily lives of Farmer’s parents, a bit of their history and also get a glimpse of Farmer’s personality. The ending was hopeful and full of acceptance of her parents’ death, which I think is appropriate after spending so many years writing about such a difficult time in her life – anyone’s life.
I believe that much of my confusion, and in some cases, frustration, stems from the bulk of Farmer’s memoir: the middle. I share a lot of the sentiments others have brought up in regards to this graphic memoir. I think it is at least in part my lack of understanding about some of the choices Farmer makes in representing herself and her parents and partly the narrative itself that prevented me from feeling moved by a story that should have moved me to tears like Maus, Safe Area Gorazde, and Stitches did. I feel terrible and guilty that Special Exits did not have the expected affect on me, and after flipping through the memoir again, I began to understand why.
Part of the reason was the way in which her parents lived and Farmer’s acquiescence in allowing to increasingly live in their own filth, even though she does increase her visits in order to compensate for this. I understand from her parents’ point of view that they feel they must be a burden to Farmer if they ask for too many “favors” or bother her with their issues, but I don’t understand why Farmer did not insist on them having someone around to help with meals and cleaning and overall general hygiene. I was appalled when I learned Rachel didn’t leave the couch for a year and bathed only every so often after Farmer began visiting more frequently. How could Lars allow Rachel to live that way? How could Laura not insist on hiring more help after seeing her dad fall to the floor? Or when they weren’t sleeping well or eating well? Why did she take her dad to the same doctor/hospital that obviously neglected to care for Rachel? It was very difficult for me to read through the memoir when I realized that Farmer gave in to her parents’ wishes to remain independent even after seeing how they lived, or didn’t try to provide better care for them. It may be the nature of reality and it might just be how Farmer normally interacted with her parents, but it was unfathomable to be. In addition, I share Lee’s comment on how Farmer depicted herself in the memoir – or how she didn’t depict herself. There were some thought bubbles throughout the memoir but for the most part, we as readers don’t really get inside Farmer’s head about how she felt about her parents’ lifestyle, the fact that they were near the end of their lives, or when she was making the tough decisions that changed everything. In providing a cold eye to her parents’ lives, I believe Farmer herself became cold when it came to depicting herself in this memoir, to the point where I don’t feel the tumult of emotions she must have been feeling. In fact, it was difficult for me to feel the emotions her parents must have been feeling as well, and I am not sure whether it was because it was hard for Farmer to get inside her parents’ heads or if it was a stylistic/narrative choice to only include insightful moments here and there. I think this is where I as the reader became perpetually disconnected with Farmer as the narrator/author of this memoir. And although I liked the ending, I think the suggestion that Farmer had accepted her parents’ deaths came too fast for me. I would have wanted to see her grieve (and grieve with her) for a longer period of time before reaching the last few panels.
Overall, what Farmer tried to accomplish is really commendable and remarkable. I constructively criticized her work with the mindset that what she is doing is something that I probably would not be able to do, mostly because I don’t think I would want something so private and so sad to made so public.
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